So some of you may have swung by my page (with the help of some cool litfolks linking in their journals and what have you) and seen my request for bios for my upcoming prose comp. I'm pretty happy to report that my idea has been well received, and I now have 31 bios to get this comp started.



The idea is to use at least 2 of the bios listed below in a piece of prose, 3000 words or less.



Prizes (generously donated by ^adrift )

- 1st place, as determined by the judges, will receive a 3 month subscription and a Litmug from the deviantART store.

- There will also be a handful of one month subs for runners up.



Judges

*intangebility
=caveatLECTOR
=smoking-mirrors
and possibly one or two other 'mystery' judges.



Rules

- 3000 word limit. any submissions exceeding this limit will not be accepted.

- Entries should be submitted to deviantART with a link noted to *intangebility mentioning the prose competition in the title. Please make a note in the comments section of your submission of which deviants you have included.

- Multiple submissions are allowed, but no more than 3 per deviant.

- Entries close at 12am (Australian Eastern Standard Time) on Tuesday the 17th of april. Late submissions will not be accepted.

- Judges' decisions are final.

- Any submissions that the judges deem to be an attack on the deviants portrayed will not be accepted or receive any recognition.

- Content should be kept within the bounds of good taste. This is obviously a vague guideline, but submissions of a offensive or insulting nature will be disregarded.



Bios
1. `alienhead
Todd Keisling is some guy who claims he's a writer, but really he's an alien who's poised on world domination with a plethora of inane babblings and convoluted prose. He likes pizza, cheesy horror films and novels most of the literary elite think of as "trash."

2. `youthculture
Kelsey Desrosiers is a cat lady in training who pretends to write when she's not cleaning litter boxes or trying to get cat fur off her black clothing (which is the only color she owns). She spends her spare time making crude sexual references at the expense of others, encouraging rumors of torrid sexual affairs, and eating infrequently.

3. ^coshdaddy
BORN WITH A HEIGHT DEFICIENCY, COSH OVERCAME HIS NEWBORN STATUS TO EVENTUALLY AMASS NEARLY 6 FEET OF STATURE. HE HAS USED THIS HEIGHT TO TAKE PLATES FROM HIGH SHELVES AND ONCE FOUND SOME DUDE AT THE VIDEO STORE. YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN IT. IT WAS AWESOME.

4. *intangebility
Ryan is a wholesome individual who enjoys picking his nose entirely too much. He has a tendancy to inspire a pied piper type effect on most mammals, and particularly those of the sea dwelling variety.

5. =smoking-mirrors
is a fairy hunter and gummi bear enthusist who is sometimes called to serve humanity in the fight against the zombie menace. Her only valued possesions are the zombie-fighting sword she carries at her side and her book of common fairy tales.

6. *Misplaced-Karma
Misplaced-Karma is sort of the town hero. Raised by tibetan monks, and then later on a Ewan McGregor from a parallel universe where he actually is a Jedi, Jackson is skilled in the ways of the Force and the intricacies of saberplay. But mostly he goofs around and yells poetry at passers-by and looks in mirrors a lot, adjusting his hair and carefully co-ordinated "I don't care" look.

7. =caveatLECTOR
Amelia has four illegitimate Cabbage Patch grandchildren, making her the youngest gran in the history of people who have all their own teeth. She has accomplished almost nothing else in her twenty-seven years.

8. *Amberlouie
Amber is that girl who should have taken up tattooing, seeing as her ideas share company with the freckles on her arms.
NB: she'll have a large, hot take-away mocha.

9. ~psychodrive
psychodrive has no name. He is the figment of your imagination that you could only remove if you were willing to sacrifice the frontal lobe and several chunks of your skull, because you're going to have to use two hacksaws and a pair of nail clippers. In his spare time, he likes to increase his facial muscular control and rid himself of nasty habits, particularly those worn by nuns. He also babysits at extremely reasonable prices.

10. =GunShyMartyr
Thomas Purbrick never sleeps. As such, he often confuses reality and fantasy. He is also fond of pizza, cheesey horror films, and is always prepared for the zombie invasion that never comes.

11. *salshep
Salshep is a very meek and mild-mannered woman. Still a virgin at 28, she enjoys knitting and walks through shopping malls. Show her your poetry, and she'll praise you profusely. If it's bad enough, she'll console you with home-baked lamingtons and lots of sympathy. She's also a compulsive liar. Oh, by the way - she didn't write this.

12. *Adeimantus
Adeimantus is a spikey-haired poet-god who likes to misquote David Byrne lyrics and watch Eraserhead over and over. His shadow can be seen on the ceiling of the CBGB when he's asleep, and he's not afraid to show off the bones of Alistair Cooke that he stole on a dare from Moonie McPheirson, who USED to be his best friend, until Moonie got caught humping a goat behind St. Andrew's Church parish without Father O'Toole's permission, and ratted out Adeimantus as suggesting it.

13. *SpokenAubade
Naiya Wright is a chalk drawing that came to life a few moments before it started raining, thus escaping with her life and a rotund cactus. She currently lives under a pile of cardboard boxes, spends an ungodly amount of time on the internet posing as a writer, and has a picture of Oscar Wilde on her cardboard wall. Her cat, cleverly named Cleopatra, is actually a reincarnated coffee mug.

14. ~23-9
Natasha Sachdeva is a spy for the Russian government who poses as a writer; her goal is to learn the secret ingredients of American nail polish, which is widely known to be a key substance in--ohnevermindyou'renotsupposedtoknow--a certain type of bomb. Her one and only hobby is sniffing lime-green nail polish.

15. ~1337M457312
1337M457312 is no one but the product of a computer crash and a failed PS2 accesory doll experiment. She is known to chase 100ft drunken Ninja Turtles swinging 50ft beer bottles. Her favorite steed is an elk and she enjoys swinging lightpoles at bad guys. She's a very responsible babysitter that only Bill Gates could afford, and tends to teach those she watches how to defeat Black Ops Ninjas. Her prices are much cheaper than Psychodrive's, and she is much more responsible. The only downside to having her watch your kids is that they may end up wearing second century ninja outfits and running up walls.
Think of it as a bonus.

16. ~tightwhitepants
twp is 14yr old boy who lurks on websites popular with young people, posing as a middle-aged pederast.
In this way he gains the trust and friendship of impressionable people more than twice his age.
Your kids would probably be safe with him, but he's very likely to abuse your grandparents.

17. ~LesCheveux
Kyle Shockey is an often drunk, former professional trombone player turned high school teacher who also pretends that he can write poetry to the ladies.
He is often found conducting odd patterns in public, singing off key, and scaring little kids with his face.

18. @tmpst24myst
D. Currie is so damned boring she has to be a bitch to add some excitement to her life. /end bio.

19. =apocathary
Apocathary (also known as Phillip English) is a scientist. He'll tell you that this occupation came about reluctantly, but the truth is that he enjoys the challenge and doesn't mind the automatic nerd status that comes with. He thinks himself somewhat unique in that he has a creative streak he believes is outside the normal range of what people in his line of work have. He's never had an opportunity to devote time to this creative streak, so it mainly comes out clumsily, but sometimes he can pen a good line or two. And he has a kick-ass imagination.
In everday life, Phillip enjoys a good book, keeps bonsai, writes letter to people around the world and generally lives life as if good conversation is the most important thing on Earth (which it damn well is). He lives in Perth, Australia and tends to not give a crap about the rest of the world and, indeed, his own country all that much. The only T.V. show he watches is The Biggest Loser; he tells himself it's because it's inspirational and heart-warming, but he suspects that it is really because there is a small part of him that likes seeing fat people cry. He hates that small part of him.

20. *JazzChyk
JazzChyk is a virgin princess, fated to be eaten by a dragon. Until the dragon arrives, however, she and her trained cat prowl a haunted house, making shiny things.

21. =fraterm
Spends entirely too much time gaming to have any time for any properly rewarding or beneficial activity. A rumor persists that he is the product of an unholy time travel union between Bringa, Sophia Lauren, and a squid named sammy. Enjoys Cuddlefish.
Abuses ellipsis, and other forms of punctuation.
Plays with his food.

22. =bewareofthesnowman
bewareofthesnowman lives in wales, and is definitely not welsh.
he is the proud owner of the oldest computer in captivity, which he has named Bill Gates in order to get maximum pleasure out of swearing at it. he is vulnerable to scud missiles and small amounts of alcohol.

23. `diamondie
Maija Haavisto is an (ex) tech journalist who doesn't really care about tech and is obsessed about medicine instead, loves dead baby jokes and everything that has to do with fetuses and likes her collection of plants more than most people.

24. ~Jon-Law
Jon August McRae has eaten people, and will eat more. No two people eaten the same way.

25. =kaujot
kaujot is a painfully repressed person with an inappropriate sense of humor. If he writes, it's because people bug the fuck out of him and he gets tired of it. He hates the process of writing and prefers just the end result, though the result often doesn't justify the process. His first sexual fantasy included his fifth grade teacher, the physical presence and representation of Luck, and a goldfish watching them. He loves Texas more than is healthy, but he can't bring himself to wear a cowboy hat in public unless it happens to be in another country, and only then in hopes of picking up hotties with accents.
He enjoys a frequent taco.

26. ~sumants
sumant is, like all good educated indians, a slave to the western information technology machine. by day, he pretends to work as a part of google's advertising machine, while moonlighting as part of the gates army - a vast network of internet hamsters that run around in wheels to keep the internet working.

27. =KrautTrooper00
Derek Robert Thomas is a walking contradiction. He dresses in black, in a 1940�s three-piece suit, but always has the most modern technology on hand. He hates people who use any sort of drug, or drink alcohol. He smokes clove cigarettes and is an avid fan of caffeine, in large doses. He thinks Christianity is the biggest load of crap ever force fed to humanity. He is a member of Ordo Templi Orientis, and a studier of the occult and obscure religions. He hates reading poetry. He is a poet. He is one of the few people on this planet capable of holding two vastly different and often contradicting opinions at the same time without having a brain aneurism. He hates you, and everyone you know.

28. *skufti
Hei�a has lived her life never being called by her true name. It has been speculated that she may be this generation's Rumpelstiltskin. Otherwise, she has her own John Deere tractor, knows how to birth cows, went to Amsterdam for her 14th birthday, and spent New Year's 2004 camping in the Andes of Chile. She's also physically falling apart, and it may be that she'll need a hip replacement by the age of 25. She's currently living in Montreal, and is secretly a cat person.

29. *withoutspace
withoutspace has no real name. It hides in boxes outside your house and watches your every move. One slip up and you'll be toast-ed.

30. ^adrift
adrift has very little interest in chocolate. She makes up for this with a fervent fascination for puddles and moral epistemology. She tends to avoid social situations due to an irrational fear of eye contact. We don't know what happened in the basement. There was also that unfortunate incident with a candy cane, but everyone's past that now. If missing, please call repeatedly. Chances are she's just hiding under the bed.

31. ^PoeticWar
PoeticWar is half man, half television, rather like a tellytubby. He enjoys nude strolls through the gardens of neighbours. He is allergic to cheese.