Welcome to the results of the first Forum Newsletter Awards!

This newsletter hoped to bring together the finest posters in the deviantART forums and set a beacon for forumers to come, showing the cream of the crop (or sewage, I guess) and setting a good example for years to come.


Unfortunately these losers won.


Roll out the red carpet (stained with the blood of n00bs) for the winners your votes selected for the Forum Newsletter Awards, therefore excusing me of how obviously wrong they are.


I am of course joking. The winner of 'Forumer you'd most like to date' was a good decision and well done to you all.


THE FORUM NEWSLETTER AWARDS!!1!

Best Forumer 07

Third place: =laurart
Second place: ~bisento

First place: =Prince-Charles



Best in Deviants

Third place: =Larentia-Ariadne
Second place: `MurkHellsing

First place: @VernonX9000


Best in Complaints

Third place: ~mngamojemo
Second place: =ShadowGamers, `conorschild, =k-a-t-w-a-l-k

First place: ~happypelican


Best n00b

Third place: *veddie-edder
Second place: =OmahaNebraska

First place: =laurart


Best Thread 07

Third place: when is domestic violence excusable by ~wigglepuppy
Second place: The "What is Love?" thread

First place: Ethnic Standers


Best Comment '07

Third place:
Here is an exact biography of user 6666666:-

Registers on 7th June. One day late.

Tries for name lucifer666 but finds it already taken. Instead opts for xXmalfoyluvrXx.

Faves about 90 Daily Deviations, and one piece of Harry Potter fanfic. Faves something by `gilad and something by `blackeri.

Uploads 420 holiday photos.

Leaves. - `AbCat

Second place:
the only people running against the "evil PC" who actually KNOW what it means

THE EVIL PC

WILL STEAL YOUR FILES

REPLACE YOUR TRENDY INDIE ROCK WITH SPICE GIRLS MP3S

TURN YOUR WORD DOCUMENTS INTO BINARY

AND EJACULATE ON YOUR FACE - ~happypelican


First place: That epically long one by WatermelonBread that I'm not going to post here



Best Mod

Third place: ^zeruch
Second place: @Stykera

First place: @VernonX9000



Most Cynical

Third place: `dxd
Second place: ~Neo-Kaiser

First place: *Unch



Most Dramatic Incident

Third place: The Fall and Rise of ShadowGamers
Second place: Mature Content filter

First place: Divine Angel & Ethnic Standers



Best Plz Account

Third place:
Second place:

First place:



Best Debater '07

Third place: ~thisbusinessofart
Second place: ^zeruch

First place: *Unch



Biggest Dead Horse

Third place: Emos
Second place: Mature Content filter

First place: Anime


Biggest Need for the Waaaahmbulance

Third place: *Eldaran
Second place: !camelhijackation

First place: ~DivineAngel



Most Confusing Forumer

Third place: !camelhijackation
Second place: ~Caylin

First place: =Prince-des-Sots



Forumer I'd Most Like To Date

Third place: =k-a-t-w-a-l-k
Second place: =OmahaNebraska, =Prince-des-Sots

First place: `conorschild, =Larentia-Ariadne




Congratulations to all the winners! Some of the votes were close (Best Forumer...) and some were clear winners (~happypelican got about double everyone else ) but all were deserving of their awards. And =Larentia-Ariadne, I'll be seeing you later


*DarkApple did the newsletter this month, check it here: [link]


Sadly I didn't return in time for my holiday to give him my interview with the best forumer, =Prince-Charles, so here it is:


My Interview with Prince-Charles ([link])

Upon receiving the results for ‘Best Forumer’ in the collective shit of moronic opinions that were the Forum Newsletter Awards ’07 I immediately wept. Then I decided to track down the winner, =Prince-Charles.

Looking for the monarch’s realm was tricky. Google gave no results and most research services had banned me from calling them after my repetitive and inane questions finally reached a peak in March of this year during the ‘suicidal scapegoats for murder’ debacle. (By the way, Greg, if you’re reading this: I don’t give a shit about you ‘finding God’ so just take being a prison bitch like a man.)

Eventually I dared my chances at the horrors of public transport and talking to people who wore sports brands, and I track =Prince-Charles down to a run-down apartment building in the French Quarter of Slough.

A charming orphan boy directs me to his home – a veritable castle of five cardboard boxes, including one used for an After Eight delivery – and I greet the slovenly sovereign heartily with an offering of the finest White Lightning Britain had to offer, stored inside a 2 litre Fanta bottle. =Prince-Charles smiles with a chessboard grin and takes several swigs while swinging his mane magnificently in my eyes: proof that spittle and garbage juice can be an effective shampoo.

After exchanging pleasantries and hair-care tips, I reveal his win. Once I explain that the people who’ve been talking to him on his ‘electric glow-box’ are real, he’s delighted. I ask how he feels about winning the award.

‘It feels like a stiletto to the tympanic membrane,’ then seeing the confused look on my face hastily adds, ‘Actually I don’t know, you’d have to ask whoever’s best forumer – because I don’t think it’s me,’ he says with a cheeky smile. So, he’s surprised at the result? ‘Yes. But I’ll be more surprised if someone tries to collect on my bribe.’

Once the bottle has been finished off, =Prince-Charles invites me into his double-box room to ‘have a lie-down’ and show me his shrine to Freddy Mercury. The record collection is impressive but the photoshopped porno collection is disturbing, especially after I spot a familiar looking birthmark on one of the stained photos.

As he curled up on a ragged mattress I ask what he’s planning to do with his new found glory. ‘Can I wear it as a turban?’ he asks eagerly with a smile of a 5 year child that’s quickly replaced with a sorrowful puppy-dog expression when I explain the definition of glory.

Some people may be shocked by Charles’ win. ‘robably for the same reasons that Jamie Lee Spears is pregnant,’ he says when I asked him why he thinks he’s won. Now we’re on the subject of bad parenting and alcohol abuse I ask if I can meet his mother. He’s delighted to and opens the lid of the After Eight box. Inside a skeleton, dressed in a bra and skirt, lies on another mattress. =Prince-Charles seems embarrassed by her state of undress and makes excuses, enters the box and closes me off. I hear yelling and take the opportunity to observe the land that my royal host rules over. The dank stench of urine, cheap whiskey and contraband goods swim over the bare wooden floors. I approach one of the boys working in Charles’ makeshift factory but he reminds me that I have ‘no right to fucking touch’ the child, and noticing the shouting had stopped from Charles’ home I go back. I find him in a tearful state, using his paper crown as a tissue.

I gently try to comfort him by continuing with the interview. The prince is evidently a modest man, so who does he think should’ve won? ‘Somebody named John. Or `GH-MoNGo,’ he says, but still looks tearful. Eager to avoid a scene I ask him how he got involved with the forums. ‘I think it was around November last year. Maybe. I don’t know. It looked like fun. How very wrong I was.’ And the people he enjoys to talk to the most? ‘Anyone who will humour me,’ he says.

He seems to have cheered up now so I try to capitalise on his good humour and ask him what his favourite types of threads are. He looks longingly at my shirt and says, ‘Dior, no question. I love the original and Galliano just rocks my socks. That’s how you put threads to good use.’

Realising that the White Lightning has taken its effect on =Prince-Charles, I try to end the interview. Sadly, Charles’ blocks the door and repeats his line about his favourite threads, now obviously checking the label on my top. Sighing, I remove the top and one of the more burly children drags me out of the thieving bastard’s kingdom. Standing outside the now grimy-looking apartment complex I take some comfort in the knowledge that I’m almost certainly not the first man to be left topless outside =Prince-Charles’ home.