The Internet is for fat people

The words of a friend. Now before you rip into him you to take into consideration that he is in fact an idiot.

So with his stupidity ringing in my ears I decided to write this up. It is essentially a no nonsense guide to weight loss and general fitness. I spend far too much time at the gym so I figured I should share some stuffs that I’ve learned.

I'm not entirely sure if this could be considered news but it is informational and is most definitely useful.

I could be all scientific and start quoting facts, percentages and all this other heebeejeebee to make myself sound like I know what I’m talking about but I wont, for two main reasons.

One, It bores people

And two, I’m not a scientist.

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Right, with that out of the way I’m going to go and do what I just said I wouldn’t and quote some percentages.

Losing weight is about 60% diet, 20% weights and 20% cardio. But what exactly are Diet, weights and cardio?

Diet:

Well a diet isn’t what the media portrays it to be, it is in fact just “what you eat regularly”. So in my own insider joke way I tend to smirk when people are defiant that they are “not on a diet”.

A diet is not a weight loss program, it is not something builders laugh at, it is not something for fat people, it is not something that anorexics are all on and it is not something that celebrities are all on.
It is something we are all doing, constantly.

Weights:

According to the dictionary weights are exercise equipment used for strength training. Which to be fair is quite right, however a weights routine doesn’t have to incorporate an 8ft machine that looks something like a torture rack no sir it could be undertaken with anything that has weight for example like a bag of sand, a bag of sugar, a child, a dog, or a small person (although I wouldn’t advise the last one, they don’t like it when you pick them up at random)

Cardio:

Possibly the worst of the three yet the easiest and cheapest to perform!

Cardio (meaning cardiovascular exercise) is any form of exercise that benefits the heart. Cardio is essentially Aerobic in nature (meaning it involves oxygen consumption by the body in order to produce energy) and is often and most effectively coupled with long periods of exercise. I.e. running, cycling, swimming and so on.

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So now that you know what all three are you need to decide how they relate to you. For example ask yourself a few questions.

Is my diet healthy?

Do I work out hard enough/often enough/at all?

Do I do anything cardio in nature?

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Good Diet bad Diet!

Now what I usually get is “how do I know if my diet is healthy?” well you can look at a three basic things.

Are you over weight?

if you are then chances are you diet isn’t up to scratch, if you’re one of these rare people that have the perfect diet yet are still overweight then you simply don’t move....at all ( as you can see I don’t subscribe to this excuse )

What types of foot do you eat?

Eating Mac Donald’s is not healthy, eating pizza is not healthy, and chewing on large quantities of cheese is unsurprisingly not healthy.

Other foods that aren’t particularly healthy are chips (fries), ice cream, fizzy drinks (soda), crisps (potato chips I think they’re called in America) and so on. It doesn’t take a genius to work out what is not healthy.

Good foods on the other hand are things like brown rice, lean steak (lean means meat that is low in fat), chicken, turkey, whole meal pasta, fish, eggs, oatmeal, or potatoes.

Again take into consideration about how much of these you eat. Too much of anything is bad for you.

How often do I eat?

Not technically diet specific but still important.

Three square meals a day was the general rule however this is kinda iffy. I would recommend you eat every 3 hours, now don’t go and have dinner every 3 hours, in fact don’t have dinner at all! The reason you should eat every 3 hours is to give that vital metabolism a steady boost. Look at it as burning wood at the fireplace, too much wood and you set your house on fire, too little and you die of hypothermia but just the right amount and your sitting pretty.

I generally follow this eating routine.

Start the day with some complex carbohydrates such as oats, whole meal foods and a side of protein (be it in the form of a chicken leg or protein shakes)

Three hours later (after my cardio and daily rubbish I have to do) I eat a nice lunch. Slice of whole meal toast, an omelette and some baked beans with a couple glasses of water.

Three hours later I have some protein shake mixed with a small amount of oats because this is about the time I start my weights workout.

Three hours later I usually have something similar to early morning lunch. (Eggs or lentils, some bread, beans or whatever that combination of protein and carbs equate to in other foods. I usually throw in some good fats like seeds, nuts and so on)

Three hours later it’s getting close to sleepy time so I don’t have any carbs and very small amount of fats hence my last meal is usually protein based.

If I’m up any later then I generally repeat the last step but as long as not planning to sleep in the next hour or so.

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Lifting Weights!

The next thing to look at is your weight lifting routine!

I can imagine some of the female people reading this thinking

“I don’t want to be no Amanda Schwarzenegger!”

Well ladies let me enlighten you, not only is it incredibly difficult to get to Arnie’s size it is also nigh-on impossible for women to do it.

Weight lifting is a vital part of getting fit and more muscle means that your body burns more calories. Think of it like a sports car, its big, it’s powerful and it eats fuel by the barrel load.

Now you’ll probably hear the opposite to this with people saying “No! Do Cardio instead!” but I’ve taken this from personal experience. I put on weight when I got injured playing football (soccer to you American folk) and couldn’t do anything but I kept eating like I used to. As expected a few weeks in I’d put on some weight, but I didn’t get all depressed and start eating ice cream by the bucket load, I saw it as an opportunity to test this out. I tried a good few months with just cardio and a good diet, it worked....a bit.

I was shocked, it had worked maybe I was wrong?......well yes and no. I was wrong to assume it wouldn’t work but I was right to assume it would do me personally more damage that good. The cardio not only ate away the fat but it ate away the muscle.
Not good for the gents and their six-pack, bicep bulging camera beach poses and not good for the ladies and their slender toned legs and stomachs or their peach shaped arses (asses...didn’t need to translate that one did I?)

So like I said you’ll benefit from it whoever you are. General consensus suggest Ladies should do more reps (lift more times at a lower weight) and guys should lift heavier with less reps for toned and bulkier physiques respectively. A 10 minute cardio session before lifting weights is a great idea to warm up the body and boost the metabolism.

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Annoying Cardio!

Cardio, the most hated of the three.

Cardio is essentially aerobic exercise. You’ve probably heard of the two types which are Aerobic and Anaerobic exercise. I could write a ten page article on the two but I’m going to keep it simple.

Aerobic exercise is generally lower intensity activities performed for longer periods of time. (Running, walking, cycling, swimming)

Anaerobic exercise is generally higher intensity activities performed for short periods of time. (Weights or strength training and I think plyometrics are too)

To lose weight you should be doing a bit of both, we’ve covered the anaerobic stuff with the weights but we now need to look at the aerobic aspect.

Cardio is hard to advise on because it really doesn’t matter what type you do just as long as you keep a good steady intensity for at least 30 minutes a day.

Doing say 30-45 minutes at a high tempo on the bike is a good idea but hard, however what exactly is hard? Hard is relevant to the person’s fitness, so if you’re working yourself at 70 or so percent of your maximum for at least 30-45 minute then that’s all you need to do. Anything over 60 minutes is just grinding joints, try not to go over that amount regularly, once or twice is ok but 7 times a week and you’ll do yourself an injury and make yourself susceptible to viruses and other afflictions.

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So there it is! A basic guide to something we should all be doing.

If there is a need I’ll go into details and or amend the stuff I’ve already put down.

Questions regarding what I’ve written or general questions about your routine/diet are welcome.

Take care, SB