Net stalking is one of the more unpleasant things one can experience when using a forum or art website such as deviantart. The boundaries of real life are often blurred or ignored, resulting in skirmishes, flame wars, or long episodes of stalking by someone the target doesn't know. Even though this stalker often cannot hurt you physically, knowing that you are being followed can be scary. Here are some tips on preventing or lowering the likelihood of being stalked, as well as avoiding becoming a stalker yourself.


Avoid Being Stalked


When signing up onto a website, make sure you can get a good idea of who is looking at your artwork, photographs, or writing before you post too much information, such as name, age, gender, location, in public. Information about yourself can make your fans more familiar with you, and that is not always a good thing; as the old saying goes, "familiarity breeds contempt" so do not get too familiar with people until you get a good idea of what types of people you are interacting with.

Being too friendly or polite is a big mistake many people make with others who act in a creepy way. Don't give too much attention to someone who is more than maybe three years your senior if you are under nineteen or twenty years of age if he is complimenting your looks or saying things that raise some red flags for you. There are older men and women you can trust, but don't give any attention to one who is interested in something that's not quite age-appropriate, and draws or behaves like someone half his age. He's not emotionally or mentally mature, so he could mistake your well-intentioned or polite responses as a sign that you like him.

If you find yourself getting any unwanted attention from someone you think could be a pedophile, ignore him - don't respond to ANY of his messages unless he is incapable of getting a clue. If you need to respond, tell him in no uncertain terms that you want nothing to do with him and that you will report him if he makes any further contact with you. Then, if he ignores your warning, follow through with it. You may feel bad for him, but it's better than having a creepy fan who latches onto you and is oblivious of how he is making you feel.

Realize that this person is not likely to change, especially when you give him the attention he craves. Nip it in the bud.

Another thing to think about is ex-friends. If you feel that you need to break a friendship, then please, don't wait. Don't draw it out in order to spare the feelings of your friend, as it will leave him or her feeling bewildered and it can lead to stalking or harassment. If you see any posts he/she made about you, ignore them, don't send friends to flame that person; let that ex-friend vent so he/she can get over it. If anyone directly flames you, ignore it or tell your side of the story, but don't expect the other person to believe you.



Avoid Becoming a Stalker


Don't let yourself become enamored with someone who has a lot of admirers. One of the biggest mistakes people make on the internet is thinking their favorite artist is capable of giving them undivided attention. They may be lonely and/or sexually interested in someone on the internet, and the little attention they were given encourages them to ramp it up to get what they want. It doesn't work, and it only makes you look creepy. Email after email, spamming with private messages and propositions - those are a big fat NO NO.

If you find yourself excessively admiring or even having fantasies about this person you like on the internet, please keep a few things in mind:

1) This person probably doesn't know anything about you
2) He/she has a lot of other things to deal with and can't reply to every message
3) He/she might not be interested in you
4) If above applies, remember there are millions of other people online you can be friends with
5) He/she might misread your messages and consider them creepy
6) He/she might have an irl significant other - which you can also get if you avoid stalking the unreachable object of your desire

Another problem is ex-friends. If you find yourself chasing after someone who used to be your best friend but now wants nothing to do with you, just cut your losses. It might be you, it might be your ex-friend. This may sound mean, but just get over it, and move on. Turn your back and run the hell away for the sake of your dignity. There's nothing worse than a former friend who can't let go. Just get on with your life because as painful as a break-up is, wasting energy on someone who wants nothing to do with you is far far worse.

It's ok to cry in private, because break-ups are painful and sometimes hard to get over. The quicker you realize what is going on and let go, however, the less damage will be done. Don't bash the person in public or with people you don't know very well because that can lead to the other person getting wind of it and make the break-up more painful. Just sever all ties with that person.

Remember the boundaries - nip net-stalking in the bud.