Fifteen Moments That Made The 2008 VMA's

I'm not a "music critic" per say, but I am pretty good at figuring out what people are going to be buzzing about after an award show has wrapped itself up. Last year's Video Music Awards in Las Vegas were probably the best that I've seen in years - it was less jibber-jabber and more music. This year, the jibber-jabber made a not so triumphant return, but it didn't stop the music one bit. Here are the Fifteen moments that stood out the most to me, which are divided into three categories: Good, Bad, and WTF?!

FIVE BEST MOMENTS:

5. Golden boy Michael Phelps coming out on stage in oversized headphones, obviously poking fun at his own lust for music. He didn't say anything profound, but hey, come on...it's MICHAEL PHELPS!!! He could have gotten up there and made farting noises for ten minutes and I would have loved it. That's just how much awesomeness the guy exudes to me.

4. Tokio Hotel delivering the upset of the night for Best New Artist. I assumed that either Miley Cyrus or Katy Perry would win, but Lo and Behold, the German Glam-Goth-Metal titans kicked them both to the curb. It's nice to see one of my favorite new bands get so much attention stateside for once. Oh, and did I mention that Bill Kaulitz resembled a Hot Topic Q-Tip?? Nonetheless, I was ecstatic.

3. The amazing simplicity of Lil Wayne's acceptance speech for Best Hip-Hop video. "I got three thank yous: Thank God, Thank my family, and Thank y'all". Props to Mr. Carter for not having an ego the size of Texas. Oh yeah, and I thought that it was adorable that Weezy and Corey Taylor were standing next to each other, looking so tiny and bite-sized. Like Cereal morsels. Freak-O's. Yum.

2. Most of the musical performances were amazing. I loved Rihanna taking on the role as a female Barbadian version of Trent Reznor, Lil Wayne's schizophrenic medley, Pink's divorcee angst, and an amazing new sound from Kanye West that blew me away. I admit that even the Jonas Brothers gave a damn good performance, too. However, NOTHING could top Paramore for me. I knew they were going to be good because they always bring it live, but holy crap that performance was AMAZING. I stood up and cheered when Hayley Williams changed one song line to "I'm sorry MTV, I've passed it up". Makes me proud to be from Tennessee.

1. Jordin Sparks = Epic win. She didn't take home a Moonman last night from the pretentious honchos at MTV, but she did stick it to the network and also to host Russell Brand for their tasteless treatment of the Jonas Brothers. Before presenting the award for...whatever it was she was presenting, Ms. Sparks said "I just wanted to say that there's nothing wrong with wearing purity rings. Believe it or not, not everyone in the world wants to be a slut". Somewhere, Fiona Apple is smiling to know that she's wasn't the only one strong enough to use MTV to call the mainstream media on its bullshit.


FIVE WORST MOMENTS:

5. Hey look, it's the Pete Wentz Dick-Riding Extravaganza!!! No one else in Fall Out Boy exists at the show, just PETER PETER PETER ZOMG!!! I nearly puked in my mouth when I saw him with Speidi, but there was something about him doing all of the Best New Artist (and pregnant wife) pimping that made me feel like I needed Pepto Bismol. "I Don't Care" is the single...but you do care, Pete. You care a lot. At least when it's about money, you care. *still plots to kidnap Andy*

4. Slipknot lost for Best Rock Video to Linkin Park, who has won about 1,000,000,000,000,000 times already. It seems as if it's something that Mr. Hahn made, then it's somehow a shoe-in for at least one award. Damn I miss the old Linkin Park, the one that existed before J-14 started talking about them next to Justin Timberlake Crush Quizzes. Oh well, at least Slipknot still have street cred.

3. Christina Aguilera's performance was a disappointment. Someone with a voice like hers does not need Auto-Tuning or Lip-Synching. Or the "Katy Perry Shuffle Beat" that has raped its way into so many chart-topping songs lately. She totally ripped of Kerli's look, by the way.

2. Speaking of Rip-Offs, Kid Rock...Dear Lord, who still lets that guy out of his cage? "This is real shit! Not lip-synching! We're gonna last!" He screams before going into his lame bastardization of "Sweet Home Alabama", AKA "All Summer Long". Not even Lil Wayne could save that turd of a performance.

1. Russell Brand was by far the worst thing about the show. I thought he'd be funny from the promos, but watching him tell jokes was like a trainwreck, and not even the mildly amusing kind. No one needed a ten-minute rant about Obama or how fucked up Sarah Palin's family supposedly is. Of course, you know what's coming - the worst of it all was the horrible comments Mr. Brand made about the Jonas Brothers. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of the Jonas Brothers, but attacking them for being Virgins and taking it THAT far was disgusting. One joke would have been okay, but a whole block of nothing but trashing them for not having sex? Pathetic. The worst part of it for me was when he was making jokes about how he went backstage and "deflowered" Nick, who's only SIXTEEN FUCKING YEARS OLD. At least Chelsea Handler had the decency to talk about wanting to get dirty with 19-year-old Joe in her Jonas Spoof (which I thought was funny for the most part). As mentioned, Jordin Sparks was pissed about it, and so was Perez Hilton, who gave a great rant about Mr. Brand at the Post-Show. I think we just watched a career tank before our very eyes.


FIVE BIGGEST WTF MOMENTS:


5. Tokio Hotel's monster truck and T-Pain's circus arrivals. MEGA LOLZ.

4. T.I. and Rihanna debut their new single, and it samples...NUMA NUMA????? Scary.

3. Miley Cyrus and Bill Kaulitz in the Guitar Hero tent fucking over a Bon Jovi "Classic". Nice.

2. The weird electro-synth version of Rage Against the Machine's "Killing In The Name" playing before one of the commercial breaks. Battle of Los Angeles, indeed.

1. Slipknot introduces their newest member onstage...and it's McLovin. Only in my most demented dreams would that actually occur XD


So that's my opinions on the VMA's. Feel free to comment on this review with your own. I want to know what stood out to you

Dorotea



**THIS VMA REPORT WAS BRITNEY-FREE FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE**