So, nowadays, people may have lost their grip on what tipping means to a waitress, what they expect, when to tip poorly, and when to give outstanding gratuity. This article is meant to inform, be it on a sarcastic note as it is.


What tips mean to a waitress:

- A tip is exactly what a waitress strives for. We do not strive for intellectual stimulation, for a good chuckle, for life lessons, or to make friends.(if this happens, so be it) This should not surprise you. We weren't born on the right side of the bed, under a giant rainbow chocked full of four leaf clovers: We're people. When we work, we do it for money. Money that YOU have.

- Waitresses do not have sunshine and daisies packed in their tired, overworked bodies. As Waitresses, we can put on the amazing act of cheerful, peppy, and eager people, but 9 times out of 10, it's the frontiest front ever fronted. Surprise? We hate this act too. But we do it because it's the most relaxing form of conversation. Management breathes down our necks about it as well.

- When you sit down at a table, you are renting that space to eat. The longer you sit, the more money you're costing your waitress. If a person can get that table bussed and cleaned 3 times in an hour, that's three times the tip they'd get from one squatter in one hour. If a restaurant is busy, never squat at a table longer then you have to.


The Waitress Wage

- Waitresses make, on average, half of minimum wage per hour. The other half is expected to come from you, the occasional customer. In fancier restaurants, we are expected to tip out at the end of the night, be it to the busboys, to the bar, or to whomever works along side us. That money comes from our tips, which on a perfect system, would be higher because of their exceptional work to help us out. Cooks and production (people working to make your food) get full wage.


What a waitress means, exactly:

-We are your direct link to the cooks, to get you the food you'd like

- We are there to check quality of said food.

- We are there to get drinks, and any other little thing you may need to eat.

- We are NOT the cause of your mis-ordered food. We're not psychic.

- We are NOT responsible if food takes a while to cook.

- We are VERY aware if your food is late. Waitresses and cooks argue back and forth like spoiled children. ("i need that NOW!" "Why hasn't this been started?!" "Get me that food here immediately!" etc) We argue consistently.


What NOT to do to a waitress (pay attention now)

- Phrases like "do you understand me?" or "let me make this easy for you" are demeaning. We work there. We understand.

- Snap your fingers at us. We're not your dogs at every single beck and call- we may treat you like the only customer, but that does not mean you are the only one.

- Tell us not to spit in your food. Do you know how busy a waitress is? Spitting in your food takes time we just don't have. And unless you're a real douche about everything, then blow salt in our eyes, we have no intention to spit in your food.

- Ask to get things in a peculiar order. Imagine you have six tables full of four people each. Table one's seat 3 wants his drink just before the food comes, then the chili after he's eaten half his sandwich; seat two wants their dessert before, soft drink last. Table two wants their appetizer first, followed by their shakes after half their food has been eaten together as a whole, not a second sooner. Table three is just fine, they don't care which order the food comes. Table four's seat one wants their meals to have two bowls of chili with their soft drinks, then their shakes, then their entrees, with a soft drink to follow. Seat two wants his shake at the end, in a to-go cup, when he signals for it to come. Seat three wants two cups of vegetable soup, not one, and seat four needs a new coke, pronto. -- gets confusing, eh? We're there to help you out, not to plan your day.

- If a sign says "Please wait to be seated"-- WAIT TO BE SEATED! If you go ahead and seat yourself, it doesn't matter which waitress you get, they're going to be sour about you doing that. Restaurants have different sections divided up to each waitress, who get sat in order. If the order shifts, people get angry. Not to mention ignoring a sign is a pretty good notion that you're stubborn and impatient, and will be a pain of a customer.

- If you need something from the waitress, when she comes over and asks, tell her EVERYTHING you may need. Don't send her out for one item, then ask her for another when she gives you that. Again, you're not the only person in that restaurant.

- If you have a problem, TELL the waitress. Don't brood and sulk, then bitch and moan that the meal was SOOO terrible. If it's broken, we can fix the situation for you.

- Do NOT tell the waitress you think she could get a better job. We know this already. We didn't aspire to be waitresses, we just do it for the interaction amongst people and for the money.

- If you do NOT have money for a tip-- Don't come to the restaurant. Tipping is part of the cost, not an added on luxury. If you do not tip, the proverbial 10 % comes out of our pocket.


Basic Tipping Rules Everyone Should Follow

- Base amount of a tip is 15%

- If you are in a large party (7 +), and you don't want to figure out 15 %, at least tip 1 dollar for each person that sat there. That may be low, but often, the worst tips come from large tables, because they're reluctant to spend more.

- If you're going to leave 5 dollars, leave a 5 dollar bill. Waitresses feel like they've done a better job with the 5 dollar bill, rather then five singles.

- If you sit at a table for more then 45 minutes, tip more. Squatting on a table is costing the waitress money, and you should be obliged to cover it.

- If you had a good experience, but somehow forgot to tip after leaving the restaurant, we have absolutely no problem with you returning to do so. We're the freaking masters of uneasy situations, and this is a cakewalk, in comparison. If you do NOT come back and tip (douche!), know that we'll be doing our best to remember your face if you ever return, so we'll have you labeled as a bad tipper. From then on out, don't count on any of your experiences being as good as the first.


So, You're thinking of Running Out on the Bill

- On most occasions, if it's caught early enough, we'll chase you down. That's a promise.

- We WILL call the police.

- Your waitress, in cruel situations, has to pay for that bill herself, unless she watches you leave, she's accused of being neglectful to her table in not being aware that a dine-and-dash is happening.

- What you should do, if you've lost your wallet, or something to that effect, is to talk with the manager. We're not going to make you wash dishes for a few hours, we'll most likely ask for a personal form of ID, and hold onto it while you get your things. It's not a completely dire situation. Rest easy.


When to tip poorly

I won't deny that bad waitress are out there. But you must know what is and what isn't within our control.

- If food is wrongly ordered, if the waitress never comes out to see you, if she is generally annoying and snotty, mean, sadistic, whatever, then by all means, tip her LESS. Just remember that what you don't tip comes out of her wallet.

- Things not within our control:
If food is cold- this happens when half an order is up first, or something is not properly cooked. We can't stick our fingers in your food, so we go by sight- this would be a cooks, or a front line productions fault.

Food is burnt. -Cooks problem

Out of a certain type of food- You came in after a bad rush, before the restaurant was able to replenish. No one's fault, just bad luck.

Drinks are flat. Again, we can't drink your soda for you, we go by sight.

Crying baby- We can't slap children around- many would if they were allowed to, though. Trust that they bother us much more then they might bother you. Usually, a restaurant has a contingency plan- for my work, we have a set of a hat and some crackers that calms children.




What to remember

Waitresses are not completely sucked out shells of people. Often waitresses love to have great conversations in which we can drop the whole phony super-happy act, we like to do a good job, and we work very hard to do so. Having patience and an understanding of the whole situation is paramount; if you're patient, calmly reassuring of anything we may have forgot, polite, you'll brighten our day by just understanding, and receive better service. Hopefully this article gave you a broader spectrum of that understanding.


_A.L