This isnt actually news, but I had major dramas trying to post it as a deviation so here it is Treat it as though it's a literature deviation I guess. I had to categorise it as something...so "world events" it is!

I wrote this with my friends for our uni student magazine, the theme of which was "Rebellion". We're not expecting everybody to get everything, but hopefully SOMEONE out there finds our obscurity and tragic nerdiness somewhat amusing, lol. A couple are particular to Australia though. This is technically my first news article so YAAY for that!

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HOW TO BE A SUBTLE REBEL
By Simon Macias, Jason Long and Stuart Tyne

Through Science, it has recently been discovered that not all rebels have to be militant radicals, hell-bent on revolutionary war. It is now possible to live your life as a “Subtle Rebel”, going against the grain and being badass in your own unique and special way, very slowly (but undeniably) and single-handedly changing society forever. Here are some of at least two more ways in which you can say a big “go away please” to social convention and change the world:

Refuse to segregate lights and darks as per washing machine protocol

Don’t rationalise the denominator

Shower with your clothes on

Place DVDs shiny side up in cases before returning them to video stores

Sleep the wrong way around on your bed, with the pillow under your feet

Put your right leg in but don’t shake it all about

Choose and use SPF 20+ or lower sunscreen over readily available higher SPF alternatives

Mark your position in a book by placing a bookmark in every page except the one you’re up to

Decline to hold hands in a séance

Run your car on jam and mixed herbs

Obtain a chart showing all of the possible toys you can get in a Kinder Surprise, thus ruining a large part of the surprise

Respond to emails with a carrier-pigeon

Put a bandaid on where you have no cuts

Fly with your tray table in the folded down and unsecured position

Buy two pairs of notably different shoes and purposefully wear one of each, thus challenging shoe convention

Buy a hermit crab and release it into the wild

Write in red pen

When marking the end of a sentence, draw a tiny semi circle instead of a full stop, thus demoting its status to a meagre half stop

pUrpo’seFully; ‘Misuse” grammar?

Take your anger out on your family

Live your entire life an hour in front of everyone else and blame them when they are late

Drink mead

End sentences with prepositions

Buy a Hooley Dooleys CD

Refuse to wear a watch and simply estimate the time

Sleep in a sleeping bag… under your bed

Use an amplifier at a lower volume than the actual strings of the guitar

Order your martini stirred

Order steaks as very well done with white wine as a drink

Only brush your teeth when you feel like it

txt in German. If in Germany, txt in Klingon

Spell your name with an X. If it already has an X, spell it with two

Wear high friction shoes without socks

Wear formal wear to semi-formal events

Ride a penny-farthing

Attempt to make a primary colour by mixing two secondary colours

Have your life flash before your ears

Cook two-minute noodles for one minute at most

Attend zoos with the sole purpose of “feeding the animals”, disregarding all signs to the contrary

Call your dog a bigot, even if it isn’t one

Use a hose during water restrictions to fill a small bucket or watering can

Eat your soup with a spork

When asked by strangers if you know the time, alter the true time by a couple of minutes in your answer

Dislike swans

Allow rude words or slang in Scrabble

Change your religion to “Chicken”

Be neither naughts nor crosses

Loiter in random fields

Don’t “Safely Remove Hardware” when you take out your USB

Feed a Mogwai very close to midnight

Butter the ingredients of your sandwich instead of the bread

Order a pizza from Dominos

Run with scissors

Develop your photographs in broad daylight

Refuse some actions an equal or opposite reaction

Respect “Today Tonight” for its high journalistic standards

Don’t put milk in your cereal

Drink a jar of honey

Insist that you prefer the Star Wars prequels trilogy to the original saga, stating complex and varied reasons such as Neo-existentialism as the underlying accentuating facet to the perfunctory Neoteric rhetoric and the resonating verisimilitude present in the multi-layered and thoroughly engaging character that is Jar Jar Binks

At this exact stage of the checklist, you should be a fully-fledged “Subtle Rebel”. Society wants you to do things a certain way and you are so not gonna, girlfriend/boyfriend. By following the basic lifestyle as set out by this list you are being the most hardcore rebel possible, living and breathing rebellion all the way down to your living and breathing. As a Subtle Rebel there is no need to be socially disruptive - your arguably insignificant lifestyle choices will with time and patience change the world for the better, regardless of your actual ideology or whether or not you even have one.