<sub>Welcome to the Agony Corner, a helpful resource brought to you by the #LitLove team for your enjoyment. This article will become a regular occurance but in future will be posted from the account *Lit-Resources so please add that account if you enjoy.


For our first month we asked the regular LitLovers to submit questions on anything for our expert advice. In the future anyone can submit a question simply by sending a note to *Lit-Resources.


Question: Why?

Many philosophers asked Why. Many of them died. - Judge Mental

The question should not be 'Why', it should be 'Why bother?' - The Coke Kitty



Question: What is the meaning of life?

Life is a hideous accident of protiens, which many scientists believe were seeded here on Earth 6,000 years ago by a caring and benevolent God. No, wait... that's the Creationists. Oh well, anyway, because Life is an accident (or Accident, if you're a Creationist) it has no intrinsic meaning, other than whatever's implied by the Warranty. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

I don't know but I'm sure it has something to do with much drinking. And if it's not, then I'd like to taste that theory anyway. - Judge Mental

For me to point and laugh at the idiots. - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead



Question: Why am I so freaked out by mannequins?

They remind you of your mother. Freud would love to have a chit chat about this fear with you. - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead

It is understandable to be afraid, courage is not the abscence of fear, it is overcoming it. However you must learn that your previous relationship is not an indicator of future ones. The mannequins in your past should stay there, get out there and love a new mannequin and see what happens. - RE: Kathys answer, was your mother a plastic surgeon? - The Coke Kitty

Good question. Shows you are a perceptive and inquisitive soul, which is EXACTLY the kind of person the Mannequins wish to wipe off the face of the planet. You see, for the past 350 years or so, ever since the first full-size posable doll was created, mankind has been fighting a secret war against these evil fiends, and frankly, things are not going well. Note the smug satisfaction displayed by the typical department store mannequin; they KNOW they are winning, and it is only a matter of time before they possess your well-appointed, Gap-clothed ass. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation



Question: How do you get into a good college?

Lower your definition of good - The Coke Kitty

I would suggest reviewing and thouroughly adopting the techniques employed by Tom Cruise in the breakthrough documentary, Risky Business (1983, IMDB [link]). While hailed at the time as a simple teen sex romp, scholars have since concluded this is in fact the way things really work in life. Study the Cruse carefully, adopt his RayBanned methods, and you'll be golden. GOLDEN. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

Stage 1 - Light some candles. Stage 2 - Put some good and sexy music. Stage 3 - Red wine. Stage 4 - Get naked. Who needs college now, huh? - Judge Mental



Question: How do you deal with writer's block?

Writer's Block is an often misunderstood symptom of greater health issues, many potentially fatal. It is important you get yourself checked out immediately at one of the free testing centers, usually located at your local public library. If symptoms persist beyond 72 hours, chances are it may already be too late. Go, and write now! Hurry! Before you die a horrible, agonizing death. (How's that for a big fat burning pyre of motivation?) - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

I overpower it with my lego block army - The Coke Kitty

First, we at the professional business do not say "Writer's Block". We prefer the term "Oh shit!". And dealing with it is just the same as dealing with all other shitty things - flush it. - Judge Mental

Chop it with an axe! - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead



Question: Why are my dogs so fucking annoying?

I don't know... I find them rather sexy - Judge Mental

Have you asked your dogs if they find you annoying? You might be enlightened by their answer - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead



Question: Did Chuck Norris really beat the sun in a staring contest?

According to Wikipedia ([link]) this event actually transpired on August 1st, 2008 and was mistaken for a solar eclipse. So yes, it's true. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

Until he had a one-on-one with Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation here, Chuck is nothing. - Judge Mental



Question: What's your favorite literary genre?

toilet paper and post it notes. - The Coke Kitty

Kate's used toilet paper. - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead

Any erotica written by DeviantArt member *Joyblack007. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation



Question: I have a true, almost debilitating fear of old people. Any suggestions as to how curb it?

Do you find it prudent to insult me that way? - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead

They say that the best treatment to a phobis is direct confrontation. Go out to the street, look for the oldest, wrinklest elder you can find, rub yourself all over him/her without giving it a second thought. Who knows... you might grow to like it. - Judge Mental

Alas, there is no known effective treatment for this well-recognized ailment. The good news is that the affliction SHOULD cure itself on its own. The reason is simple: Time. Yes, through the magic of entropy these dreadful old people will eventually die, leaving you in relaxed peace. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation


Question: Do boogers have calories?

No, however due to todays living environment the toxins you breathe in are tainted with chemicals from air pollution, which cling to the mucus in your nose (boogers) and if ingested will cause you to become dead. - The Coke Kitty

Thanks to the American Food and Drug Administration Zero Trans-Fat Initiative of 2005, boogers now have no calories and zero fat, and thus are a healthy alternative to other dangerous snack foods such as nibbled split-ends and the contents of popped pimples. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

I never heard of anybody gaining weight due to boogers consuming, but I've heard of some that got executed. - Judge Mental


Question: how do you tell someone you don't like them back?

Repeat after me "I DON'T LIKE YOU" it's really that easy - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead

write it across your breasts with a sharpie. Trust me, they won't mind. - The Coke Kitty

Nothing says friendly rejection like hiring an inept assassin. Be sure to instruct the assassin to always miss, but strike terrifyingly close. You will want to equip said assassin with little embossed calling cards to leave at the site of each hit naming you as the patron. Eventually, your unwanted paramour will get the hint, or one of the inept strikes will land true and your problem will be solved. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation



Question: my pants are too small

A little known side-effect of Viagra is that when inserted into the rectum it actually causes penile shinkage. Suggest four tablets every two hours until your pants are comfortable again. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

You are too fat - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead

Question, noun, a sentence in an interrogative form, addressed to someone in order to get information in reply. - The Coke Kitty



Question: What are the list of services you provide for each and every member of #LitLove, and how do you enable these services to reach the members?

Unfortunately DeviantART's regulations on pornography in literature prevents me from providing you with a list publicly. Let us assume that we provide everything, but we do not kiss on the mouth. - The Coke Kitty

The services depends on the services you are willing to give to the management - Judge Mental

Alas, the Brotherhood has strict confidentiality laws regarding disclosure of such information, however I am within accepted guidelines by suggesting it's pretty much anything you want, when you want it, however you want it. However, should you accidentally exceed the intent of these guidelines, punishment is swift, uncaring, and brutal. So bottom line, be careful what you ask for. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation




Thanks to =Konjuku, ~Silverstride, =tetemeko, ~artistic-poet, *Joyblack007, ~use-the-force, =x-x-sakura-x-x and ~hummuss for their questions.

! This issues star question was from =tetemeko, who will recieve a 2 month Deviant ART subscription as a prize!</sub>