This is being posted because recently you received a chain letter that you may or may not have passed on. If we get lucky perhaps this will spread all over the world and eventually get back to those tards who have nothing better to do than sit on their asses all day and write meaningless letters that play on ones fears and superstitions.

Meanwhile, I suggest sending the following mumbo-jumbo to just those people and see how long it will take for them to go running back to their mothers in tears.

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? "Ooooh, looky-here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine!". What a bunch of bullshit.

So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by the Romans in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

Let's read some example satirical chain letters now, shall we?

Example #1:

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>Make a wish!!!
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>Really, go on and make one!!!
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>Oh please.... they'll never go out with you!!!
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>Wish something else!!!
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>Not that, you moron!!!
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>Something else! Quick!!!
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>Is your finger getting tired yet?
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>STOP!!!!
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>Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish.
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Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, you know, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE! Really! Here's how it goes:

-Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
-Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
-Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
-Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
-Send this to 20-674,951 & a 1/2 people: 20-674,951 & a 1/2 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. Thanks!

Good Luck!

Example #2:

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no willie. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Willieless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder- if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!

Example #3:

Hi there! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many bitchy little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

Queer Horror Story #1: Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the side walk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!

Queer Horror Story #2: Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend. They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!

Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be OKAY.

Example #4:

This e-mail is wicked-cool! It was started by Microsoft to test its e-mail tracking system because, you know, a big high-tech company like Microsoft always sends important new software out over the internet to be available to any moron who can operate a computer, right? Plus, they have formed a secret merger with Disney Corp., who has agreed to give up millions of dollars in revenue by giving everyone who reads this e-mail, passes it on, looks at it, knows someone that looked at it, or is related to someone who is a friend of someone who looks at it A FREE, ALL-EXPENSES-PAID TRIP to Disneyland, DisneyWorld, or EuroDisney! So pass this on to everyone you know that is gullible enough to believe this (or not)! Even if it's not true, hey insulting all of your friends by implying that they are gullible by sending this to them is worth the improbable chance that you could go to Disneyland! Even if you lose all of your friends because they are tired of receiving this kind of junk from you, it's worth the chance, right? And just for good measure, if you don't send this on, Microsoft will send its specially trained attack-goats to pilfer your house and eat all of your family,
SO SEND IT ON!!!!!

Example #5:

VIRUS WARNING!!!
If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive,but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone AutoDial to call only your mother-in-law's number. So be careful! Forward this to all of your friends, relatives, neighbors, family, enemies, plumbers, garbageman, stock brokers, doctors, and any other acquaintances!
It's for their own good! Thank you.

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If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

So remember kiddies, if you don't send on all the chain letters in our world, your car will not break down; a close relative is not going to die; and you won't lose all of your money. If you do, you probably won't win a million dollars, receive a promotion, or suddenly find true love. However, you will feel much better about ignoring chain letters in the future.

Have a nice day.