<sub>Welcome to the Agony Corner, a helpful resource brought to you by the #LitLove team for your enjoyment. Anyone can submit a question (about anything) simply by sending a note to =Lit-Resources. From issue four onwards the articles will also be POSTED from this account, so you need to watch that account to recieve them!

The star question of each issue gets a prize! So let's get on with it...



Question: Who's the green man living in my closet?

Your adoptive Mom - Judge Mental

Your foster Dad - The Coke Kitty

I'm sorry, that would be me. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

Your real Dad - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead



Question: Where do babies come from?

the zatch. - The Coke Kitty

Coke Kitty's zatch... - Judge Mental

The Babies'R'Us chain of franchise stores. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

The Goodship Lollipop - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead



Question: Where do babies come from?

I just answered this!!!! Can't you people pay attention?!! - The Coke Kitty

Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation's zatch... - Judge Mental

The Kids'R'Us chain of franchise stores. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

God damn how many times do I have to say "The Goodship Lollipop"! - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead




Question: Why is it so hard to think of random questions?

Only utilization of a decayed cesium radioactive random number generator will result in truly random questions. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

Because you are too busy fantasising about *Tmunky and =JurgenDoe making sweet looove - The Coke Kitty




Question: Why is it that your laptop battery is never charged when you need it to be?

You do not have enough children, go away and breed more. - Judge Mental

We donate a new question in your honour because the question you gave us failed. - The Coke Kitty

Ah, you have stumbled upon the law of Maximum Perversity, the fact that the universe tends to approach a state of Maximum Perversity when left unobserved. This is the same phenomenon that causes traffic lights to turn green when you are not watching, and for your alarm clock to go off unexpectedly before you are finished sleeping. The only real way to combat M.P. is to stay ever vigilant -- watch everything, all the time, staying awake for as long as possible via the aid of caffeine and more powerful stimulants. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

There is a difference between need and want. You must learn to differentiate between the two. - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead




Question: If this is the Agony corner.. how come noone's agonizing here?

We are agonising over amusing answers. Speak for yourself. - The Coke Kitty

We are great actors, we hide our agony. - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead

We are terrible actors, we repress our agony until it forms tumours. - Judge Mental

You have NO idea. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation




Question: Why are donuts round? Why can't they be square?

They can be square, but then the Russian Federates would recognise them. The round is their disguise. Obviously. - The Coke Kitty

Square donuts are specifically prohibited by the Pastry Restoration and Preservation Act signed into law by the UN in 1960. Before that legistlature, donuts came in many assorted geometric shapes (including mobius strips and klein-nuts) which led to worldwide confusion and instability in the pastry industry. Since implementation of the PRPA, donuts are now standardized to the point that entire industries flourish as its basis (wiki "Donuts, Dunkin" and "Winchells") - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation




Question: What the hell is going on inside of my head full of random people swordfighting?

Welcome to #LitLove ! - Judge Mental

A small synaptic misfire. See a neurologist. - The Coke Kitty

Science is not sure of the answer, but believes it has something to do with the missing "Channel 1" on analog television sets. A complete switchover to digital HDTV in 2010 should resolve the issue. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

the first rule about dAmn club is you don't talk about dAmn club. - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead




Question: Why are some people so evil?

*looks at Little Miss Red-Or-Dead and rubs his ass* - Judge Mental

*looks at Little Miss Red-Or-Dead and trembles a little* - The Coke Kitty

Some people! I am not some people! - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead




Question: If you ware walking around with your headphones on, this should indicate to any strangers on the street that you
do not want to be disturbed. So, why do people still disturb you (especially people trying to sell you insurance, new mortgages or a new religion) and then not apologise afterwards, even though you are clearly "pissed off" at them?

I like long questions. They are very interesting to read, and I always go through all of it before giving my full answer,

and I never ever neglect any detail - because it is all important. So thank you very much, really - that was a good lesson. - Judge Mental

Wearing your headphones in the street is one of the top risky things to do (along with wearing high heels and having your hair in a ponytail) that makes you at risk from attackers. These people are trying to save you, you ungrateful wench. - The Coke Kitty

In some cultures, wearing of headphones is actually a sign of verility. Only the sexiest, most fertile tribe members are permitted to wear headphones, and thus you should be flattered. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

I need a nap : ( - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead




Question: How do you permanently remove someone from your head (& other places)?

- Judge Mental

Tell them you think they should have a vesectomy and they will leave of their own accord. - The Coke Kitty

Chainsaw works, but apply with careful strokes and utilize a local anesthetic, such as beer or wine. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

- Little Miss Red-Or-Dead




Question: Why does all the dumb shit happen to smart people?

Because only smart people make their ecrement take IQ tests. - The Coke Kitty

why does smart shit happen to stupid people? - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead



Question: What came first the chicken or the egg?

The Magic 8 Ball says .....Not likely - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead

The chicken came first. The hen didn't even get a chance to enjoy herself. let alone the egg. - The Coke Kitty

Neither. Aliens deposited both chickens and eggs upon the earth's surface simultaneously approximately 6.2 million years ago. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation




Question: If mice are so scary, why aren't people afraid of mickey mouse?

When I first see the poster to the movie Jaws I thought it said Jews... and couldn't understand what it has to do with sharks... - Judge Mental

Mickey mouse has super powers. He has mighty prowess to keep you from being scared. - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead




Question: Why does lipstick still look a bit strange on men?

try putting it on your mouth. - The Coke Kitty

Because testosterone is a universal cosmetic solvent, causing breakdown of the chemical components of most lipsticks. Until this problem is solved, men will continue to have only ChapStick available to moisten and beautify their lips. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation




Question: If the sky is blue, and the earth is not flat... how come there's always one sock missing after doing laundry?

Because we are circular stalking, remember? By the way I want my panties back. - The Coke Kitty

Sock Gnomes...shh they are trying to make profit - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead




Question: If you could be a animal, which would Bill Clinton be?

You question makes no damn sense. - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead

a glorious unicorn of perfection and innocence. - The Coke Kitty

William Jefferson Clinton is a well known Hound Dog. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

A moss - Judge Mental




Question: Why do we love music?

Because loving strangers in the street can get you incarcirated. - The Coke Kitty

When you love - use a condom. (not a spork)! - Judge Mental

The RIAA has programmed this behavior into human fetuses since 1990. Prior to that, love of music was transmitted

from host to host via the herpes virus. - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation



Question: Why are fantasy cliches good things or not-hurtful things half the time, such as elves and a common tongue that's somehow exactly the same throughout the multiverse?

Why do they have to ask questions with so many words?! - Judge Mental

limit the questions to 2 words or less. - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead



Question: Why do people like to tourtore eachother?

That's a very good question. I quit. - Judge Mental

:whip: - The Coke Kitty

Because torture pays better than checking people's baggage at the airport for unauthorized liquids (wiki "War on Terror"). - Dr. Wiki Von Misinformation

It excites them. - Little Miss Red-Or-Dead





Thanks to ~forWinds, =Rose-Rayne, =AmaryllisHakatri, *Tmunky, =GrahamLeese, =elicoronel16,
~Layalas, =x-x-sakura-x-x, ^Jules1983, ~svariat, ~Zapz, *Hyougen, =ObliqueWordsmith, ~Painless-Tears and =Leo-Garth for their questions.

! This issues star question was from *Hyougen, who will recieve a 1 month Deviant ART subscription as a prize!</sub>