There is a difference between Twilight fans and Twihards. Twilight fans are bearable. Many are good ordinary people, polite and well-mannered. They like the book, they don't obsess over it.

But Twihards are a different breed. Twihards are the ones who will throw acid in a boy's face, who will break a girl's arm, who will shoot a flare in somebody's face (more in this widely-circulated news article, to defend their sparklepires.

And now the Twihards will sparkle too.

"Craving a supernatural gleam in the sunlight?

Powder your face and body with one of our natural mineral makeup formulas. With Twilight Supernatural Face and Body Powders, you too, can be showered with a positively immortal glimmer." ~www.aromaleigh.com/twsufaandbop.html

There are three different powders, getting progressively sparklier. The first is Twilight Lustre, which "gives [your skin] a luminous gleam". It claims to "make your skin look like glowing moonstone, or marble". Next is Twilight Sparkle. This one "shimmers like radiant tiny diamonds". The last, Twilight Dazzle, "sparkles beautifully even under indoor lights, and simply, well... 'dazzles' in the bright sunlight." All of them promise to "produce beautiful effects ranging from ethereal and luminous to boldly dazzling."

As if being beaten for not liking a book about sparkly vampires wasn't enough, now your assailants will dazzle you with their incandescent marble skin and their scintillating arms and their glistening lids.

If you have children, hide them. Please keep our future safe.

If you are a writer, wear a tinfoil hat. All my blessings to you and your craft; good writers are the future of education and intellect. Protect yourselves.

If you value your life and your free mind, run.