The Forum Newsletter!

It's that time again - Forum Newsletter time! Welcome to issue 15! From the biggest lolcows to the littlest threads that were gold, your fix for the month is waiting.

But before we begin, we'd just like to say...

THANK YOU @martypunker!

That is all.

The Forum News

War on the Chat Pickles

Rumour has it, the ever-popular chat, #TheComplaintsTavern, is going to be creating their own newsletter!

Competition? This means war!

Really, why would the child of the Complaints forum need yet another child? Why, with that logic, we should make the Forum Newsletter Newsletter!

Think of the glory! The best of the best section, worst of the worst, and comments received on the newsletter would go in the newsletter comments section!

So, my dear readers, get your battle axes ready! This means war! Because Complaints Tavern regulars are PICKLES

In Comes Summer Wave '09

This newsletter was posted early June 1st. June 1st is a horrible beginning in the forums as we know it, as after June 1st, slowly but surely do the forums begin to experience horrid things... Teenagers on their summer break.

By July 1st, all teenagers too stupid to handle both school and internet at the same time will suddenly have all the free time in the world to check out the forums. Be warned. It's nooblet city, and there's no cops that can save you now. Just run them over with your trollcar at call costs.

So kiss the mature, adult forums goodbye. Sophistication in the forums is gone. Not that there ever was any, but you keep telling yourself that.

dA Groups

DeviantART has unveiled it's very first group, #hq. As a result, those crazy kids $Heidi and $spyed are going around the world in eighty days. Or, at the very least, going to some major cities over a decent amount of time to gather feedback and general community spirit.

We can only hope the largest critique about the groups feature will be the fact that groups currently share the same symbol as chatrooms - #.

Come on, no one's using the '?' symbol! It will make people no less confused than having two major features - Chatrooms and Groups - with a common symbol. I complain about this only in it's best interest: I didn't realize a new group feature was around because every time someone said "#hq... TADA!" I thought they were simply overjoyed about some chat they created.

`VernonX9000 has a secret identity.

Shhh! It's a super secret! I'm super cereal you guys!

*Laerbn and Parasite

We've been getting reports from all over the site of a very annoying parasite latched on to one of our already annoying 'community members'. Reports have told us they generally bitch out an entire thread and feel very rewarded when they reply to each other's comments with positive feedback (unlike the rest of their feedback they get). This tough-guy attitude is dropped in seconds to become a mushy gushy cuddle, mind you. Think !Prince-des-Sots and =sixnight, minus the sexy.

It is debatable if it is good or not that these two have found love (or at least, that internet version that we all, as dorks, geeks and losers, strive for) or if this just doubles the annoyance.

We received a tip-off that a wonderful example of their pissy remarks flooding a thread would be here: [link]

Forum Phenomenums with =bohobella!

Welcome to the forum newsletter's latest segment - Forum Phenomenums, here to explain the regular, repetitive and hard to explain phenomenums of the forums we so love. From the latest memes to the oldest trolling in the books, here it's covered.

This month, we explore Noob Trolls. As opposed to Troll Classic, Noob Troll is much less rare a creature. They generally hibernate throughout the North American High School year, but it is confirmed that some Noob Trolls have evolved past hibernation. It should be noted, while said noobs may have evolved, they still have a compulsive urge to ask for homework help or comission in hugs for someone - often fanfiction fuckers - to write English essays.

However, the Noob troll has more than just school on it's mind. On the contrary, the Noob Troll is known to try everything once, in an attempt to be diverse or gawffik. Popular subjects that the Noob troll knows little about, but tries to master, include sex, Cult Movies, Superheros, ED and, of course, the deviantART forums.

Noob Trolls suffer from a dangerous, contagious illness: Internet Tough Guyism, or ITG. ITG infects a growing number of new users to many, many websites, particularly forums. Symptoms include angry myspace photos, excessive swearing, death threats, agressive emoticons, abuse of emoticon use and emprty threats. While ITG hits Noobs the hardest and is less common in experienced and/or older users, it is still possible for older users to catch it quite easily, though more often than not, the older users suffering from ITG simply never had ITG diagnosed, treated or cured in their N00b days.

The Forum Newsletter recommends prolonged exposure to the forums and silent treatment followed by heavy flaming and one dose of reality a day to cure ITG. Side effects may include butthurtism, spontanious combustion and anal leakage.

ITG is a serious disease.
But the Noob Troll is a creature that needs the tough love.

Columist Contest!

Do you want your own segment in The Forum Newsletter?

The votes are tallied, the segments are decided! You, the forumer, have chosen the three segments to fufill your every desire for newsletters to come!


In THIRD! Place...

~MPMG - Alicia in Forumland

The Concept:
A forum fairy tale about Alicia, the girl who gets kidnapped by Pedobear and finds herself lost in Forumland. We get to follow her adventures as she battles with the Grammar Nazis and Weeaboos, as she narrowly escapes being locked in dAmn, and much, much more!

The title:
Alicia in Forumland

The Why: I'm 21 going on 22. Reasonable likeness to my avatar. Came to the site to improve my painting, stayed longer than I ever thought (usually get bored easily) because of the people. Come August I’ll be hitting my second year here, and I’ve been lurking, posting, fighting, lolling, and so on, in the forums for almost that long.

I should get the column space if you think people would like reading about Alicia and her adventures in the forums. I can promise that there's much fun to be had. Have you ever wondered where the dead horses come from? If Serious Cat and Ceiling Cat get along? What the going rate is for the Forum Whores? That and much more will be revealed!

The Sample:
Alicia sank down in the darkest corner of the Welcome Center. Maybe she could hide for a while, think of a plan, without the crazy waving smileys catching her. This place was completely insane. Why did that creepy looking bear bring her here? Shivering, Alicia wrapped her arms around her knees. She hoped that blue smiley was okay. It wasn't fair if the yellow ones had harmed it just because it tried to help her.
“Yeah,” Alicia sighed. “Help. That’d be good right about-”

“O HAI!”
Startled, Alicia screamed and tried to press herself into the text wall behind her. She then shot a terrified look back at the mass of yellow smileys waving in the distance. They remained oblivious, so Alicia returned her gaze to the source of the voice; the cat who just popped its head down from the ceiling.

“DUNT B SKEERD!!” the cat wailed and nodded enthusiastically. 'SRSLY. PEESFUL CAT COM IN PEES!”

The blonde girl stared suspiciously at the pale orange cat above her. It seemed pretty harmless, barely older than a kitten. The cat’s ears twitched, and Alicia could have sworn it tried to pull off an innocent look. Deciding that nothing could be worse than being pulled to pieces by waving smileys, Alicia took a deep breath and prayed she was doing the right thing.

“Can you get me out of here?” she asked the cat in the ceiling. “I’ll, I’ll owe you!”
“SO I HERD U HAS CHEEZBURGAR?” The strange looking cat stared hopefully down at her, long white whiskers vibrating with barely contained excitement.

Alicia blinked. Cheeseburgers? The cat wanted cheeseburgers? This just kept getting stranger and stranger.

“Sorry. I don’t have any.” At the look of absolute devastation on the cat’s furry little face Alicia felt like she’d kicked a puppy. Or maybe a slapped a kitten.
“I’m really, really sorry?” she tried.
“O NOES!” the cat exclaimed. Then it disappeared back into the ceiling.

“Wait, don’t leave me!” Alicia scrambled to her feet. After snatching a glance to see if the crazy wavers had finally remembered her presence, she went back to looking up the hole in the ceiling.
“No! Please! I'll take you to McDonalds! Anything!”

For a few seconds nothing happened. She could hear the gleeful shouts slightly gaining in strength behind her, but she didn’t dare to look back. “Help me!” she begged.
Another couple of seconds passed, slower than a snail in glue.

“HALPFUL CAT IZ HALPFUL!” A white paw popped down. A mostly white paw anyway. Something that looked a lot like ketchup had clumped the fur together down the right side. The paw waved at her to hurry up.
“IN B4 DEY SEES U! SRSLY!”

Closing her eyes tightly, Alicia reached up and grabbed the furry limb of her would-be saviour.
“Oh please, please, don’t let me regret this,” the girl murmured as she was pulled up and away into complete darkness.

“IZ CATURDAY. SO I HERD U LIEK CAEK?”



In SECOND! Place...

`littlefishey - Senior Senior's Adventures

The concept:
I was picturing a sort of motherly, yet hate filled, review of the forums, a sort of senior senior's adventures in the forums.

It would be like taking your granny to a nightclub and I think it would work. I am a senior citizen as well as a senior member.

The Why:

Seeing as I am possibly the oldest and dustiest regular in deviants I have a lofty and jaundiced view of the kids who breeze in and out of there. You have no idea how often I read the threads and despair.

This is a little last minute, but I don't feel I do enough for the dA community as a whole, so I am willing to vent my spleen and share the bile. God, actually that sounds awful.




And finally...!
In FIRST! Place...

=CittensCollar - The Forumer Profiler

The Concept:
A forumer profile, in which we learn some in-depth information on members of the forum. I hope to get some information people might not know.

The Why:
I am Cittenscollar! Although I may be better known as the crazy cat lady of the forums. I think I’ll have a ton of fun learning about people, as a lot of the forumers are hilarious people. I hope to help people get to know each other better. I deserve the column because everybody loves cats? I hope I ween!

The Sample:
Are you one of the nearly 20 people who thought Makayo was a girl? I sure was. On top of his, as he puts it, “questionable gender”, there are many of things about Makayo that you may not know.

Joining dA in April, 2005, Makayo started his foruming career with a simple thread in the Welcome Center, and from there he found a home quickly in HWL. While he started a few threads of his own, he spent most of his time helping others in need. After a while, however, the repetition of the questions in the forums got to his head, and he suddenly found himself not caring about people’s issues anymore. He sunk away from forum life for nearly two years.

Now 18 and presumably much more mature, Makayo has reared his ugly head in the forums again. He had become what we now know him as – a self proclaimed jerk that we have all come to love. Instead of assisting people in HWL, Makayo spends his time lurking in the corners of Complaints, bringing perversion and randomness to the forums when needed. For example, in a thread about boobs, Makayo brings us this gem: “If you ever get tired of your bras, give me a call and I'll hold your boobs up for you.”

Makayo enjoys Complaints and the forums. He describes the forums as cheerful, but gets quite annoyed at people who can’t read the rules and seems particularly annoyed by thread titles in all caps. He never gets bored with Complaints and sees dA as a source of entertainment.
As far as art goes, Makayo does poetry, wallpapers and a bit of manga styled art. Makayo is more involved in dA as a community than an art website, it seems, and prefers to keep his art as a pastime as opposed to a career. When asked for a general thought on art, Makayo told me, “Art is what you make of it. Everyone has their own tastes.” A very profound outlook on art, Makayo!

Makayo lives in Ontario, Canadia_{yesthatwasonpurpose} and spends his non-internet time playing video games and trying “to convince myself I'm doing something useful with the time on my hands”. He lives in a house owned by three cats: two Siamese and a mutt named Timmy. He also has two Schnauzer/Poodle mixes, but they’re not cats.
As you can see, Makayo leads an interesting life and brings some nice insight into the forums. I hope you’ve learned some fun things about this fun guy who enlightens Complaints with his humor and perversion. Makayo offers us one final thought he would like the world to know: “

Congrats Cats to all!

Segments will begin July 1st 2009!

This means, if you are a winner, be sure to have your NEXT SEGMENT for July ready and sent to =bohobella by June 25th!

From now on, winners, the 25th of every month is your big deadline!

Going away on/around the deadline? Unless you'll be gone for a few months or years, you can send your segments in as early as you want - That includes sending in multiple segments to cover multiple months or just one segment a few weeks before the deadline due to any reason you have - Or just because you like it that way.

Interview!

@Vlei's interview with `laurart

1- So, tell us how you feel about your stature here on dA.
And by stature, well, you can take that to mean anything you like

Well, I feel great about it. In dA terms, I've achieved far more than I ever expected. So I have no reason to complain.
Now if we're talking about my height, I feel shorter and shorter every day thanks to all the lovely height jokes I get from the Deviants regulars.

And I'd like to pretend I'm angry about it, but I actually enjoy those jokes. Most of the times .

2-What, if anything, would you do to improve the forums? And remember, "Remove `Vlei" is not an option.

How will the forums ever be improved if that's not an option?!
Fixing the Forum Search would be cool though.


3- In your time here, you've been a gnome, a bad date, Sergei, n00b Idol, and many other things. Which of the personas you've had is the closest to you, the real `laurart?

What? A bad date? I bet =BiggCaZ said that. Just because I once stabbed him and then peed on him while he was unconscious doesn't mean I'm a bad date!
Anyways, I think I'm closer to a mix between a gnome and a hobbit. Instead of a happit, I'm a gnobbit.
But I don't wear pointy hats and my feet aren't hairy. I swear!


4- Your favorite moment and your roughest patch in Deviants: what would you say they were?

The roughest would be one or two arguments I’ve had with some people, but nothing extremely bad I think.
And I don’t have a favourite moment, but I love it when some funny comment becomes an inside joke and then it grows and becomes something bigger because it’s mentioned in journals, polls, and other comments until it reaches the final destination: being a plz.
For example: ~penguinburgerplz or ~thebuildplz


5- There are rumors, started mainly by you yourself, that you can be spotted in the Praise forum from time to time. Overwhelming optomism? Forgot to take your meds? There must be a story here.

I'm afraid that's true
But in my defense, I just like to go there to laugh at the insane threads people start. I've never praised anything, I just like to say something to ruin the good mood of the OP . Crush their spirit. It never works though, they always stay happy no matter what you say to them


6- What are some traits you like to see in forum regulars? What do you find seperates a good poster from an average one?

I like to see sarcasm, wit, the ability to laugh at themselves, hatred towards the and emotes, and an ego a bit smaller than the sun. Extremely self centered people are really annoying. That’s part of what makes a forumer a good forumer, at least for me.


7- We know you can spend `laurart's as money. If you were to slap the Laurart brand name on anything else, what would it be?

Portable ladders .

8- Does it sometimes bother you, being named after a parrot?

Not until some smartass mentions it


9- As something of the patron saint of Deviants (don't argue), what advice would you give aspiring young forumers?

First, I’m offended by the label “saint” .
Second, I would tell them to keep a good sense of humour, don’t take things too seriously, don’t be intimidated by anyone, don’t be a jerk to new people once you’re not new anymore and always blame @Vlei

10- Finally, is there anything you would like to say to ~lauraart and ~Laura-art?

You both have horrible usernames.

Best of the Forums!

Threads

Sodomized by a Gunblade by =Aret

Comments

I live by that rule, but this time scrubbing wasaqqwwwwwwwwwwwqwqw by `laurart
There's Krusty Krabs... in BIKINI BOTTOM! by ~LOVEintheSNOW
Tacochan. Let's call him that for now. by *Agent-Sarah
O shit son, I just won the game. by @Prince-Charles
ESTUARES INTERIUS... IRA VEHEMENTI... HYPNOTOAD by =HisnameisDaveyoufool
Now without talking to the person next to you, commenting on their picture, or even looking around, how do you expect anyone to stop and look at your polaroid?
by =chronicdoodler

Oh! Oh! I got one. How many =ScorpionOuSauterelles does it take to screw a lightbulb?
by ~TheSunAndTheRainfall

Twenty five.
One to screw it, and screw it well.
Four to claim that screwing in lightbulbs is a dead horse
Five to say how the lightbulbs lasted longer back in their day
by `timmy64

Plz Account

:iconiconranranruplz:

And finally...

The WORST

** HORRIBLE TRUTH ** about role of Supreme Court Judge Sottomayor in 7/11 events (ETHNIC CIVIL WAR) by ~Web-of-Truth




Timmy's Pick of the Month:^{Powered by `timmy64} Sodomizing the Pygmies Magic Powers by :devpoopgoblynr:

Odds & Ends

Past Forum Newsletters

A sticky created by lolly and updated by various staff members can be found here in the Deviants forum for all your past forum newsletter needs! Relive the memories you had of a time when `conorschild was still the master behind the news, and thank the staff for being so kind as to post them!

Forum Clubs!

If you want to keep up-to-date with some of deviantART's most popular forums, these clubs are a great place to start.

*DAPoliticalForum *DAComplaintsforum ~DAMusicForum *DAReligiousForum

Submit comments & threads to the Newsletter!

Spot a hilarious thread or comment?
Think it deserves spotlight?
How about nominating a fellow forumer for the monthly feature?
Send a note to =bohobella and she'll see to it! Please include links to all threads and comments if possible.

When submitting threads, trolls, ban reports or comments try to include which it is: thread, ban, troll, comment or other, in the title of the note!

In the next issue...

The newsletter gets sunscreen and tween-repellent on.

Until next time, happy foruming!

_{We ~LOVEintheSNOW and =cassiedj, our regular formatters}