I was writing out my story on the =ArtForTheEscape forum and my thoughts turned to the many in pain I've seen here on deviantART. My life has changed so much due to taking part in DBT counseling, and I really do have a life worth living these days. I was thinking there are so many people hurting and looking for a way to make their life worth living that I had to share some of the things I learned in my DBT classes, in hopes that it might even just touch one heart and life, and change it for the better. This will have to be a series of articles to deal with the various things, I hope it is helpful to many people.

If you suffer from illness and use art to escape, please check out =ArtForTheEscape. It's a great place to become part of a caring community, and a place to share your art with others.

"Accept no one's definition of your life, but define yourself."-Fierstein Harvey

What is DBT?
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a comprehensive treatment approach for people whose emotions create major problems in their lives (and perhaps in the lives of people around them). It was created by Marsha Linehan, PH.D. and her associates, one of which I was lucky enough to actually be my counselor. These emotions may be expressed in a destructive way (as in angry outbursts and even violence, or depression and immobility), or avoided by behaviors such as suicide attempts, substance abuse, eating disorders, or impulsive actions. DBT teaches more skillful ways to regulate their emotions, deal with the distressing situations in their lives, and improve relationships with the people around them. (definition from DBT sources)

NOTE: DBT is a counseling situation where you are in classes with others, and then have private sessions with your counselor. These articles in no way are meant to replace that. I just feel that I learned so much good stuff I want to share it.


Mindfulness

The first skill I want to tell you about is simply called "mindfulness". It is a great way of reducing the stress in your life, or to help you cope with a situation that otherwise might result in self-harm or other behaviors.

The way it was explained to me is that you become one-minded. Some practice in this are to do something, and just do that one thing. Such as, drinking a hot cup of tea. Use the five senses to get into the situation and don't think about anything else. Think about how it tastes, how it feels on your tongue, how it feels in your hand. How it smells. The texture of the mug. You can do this with anything, and it's a good thing to practice because in this day and age it's all about multi-tasking. So when you go to eat your dinner, don't watch tv, don't talk on the phone or do crosswords. Just eat and make it all about the experience of eating.

When you find yourself stressed out about something, angry, depressed, or anything of that sort, use this technique to move your mind to something other than what is going on at that moment.

Rational Mind, Emotional Mind and Wise Mind

I also learned that there are three types of minds. There is the rational mind, the emotional mind and the wise mind. Your rational mind is the thinking mind, the mind that does facts and figures and is logical, the one that helps you solve problems. It's easy to use rational mind when you feel good, but harder when you are feeling bad.

Now emotional mind is when your emotions are what are controlling your behavior or thoughts. It's not always a bad thing, but can be detrimental at times. It's your emotional mind that spurs us to take action on things, and what makes us want to have relationships with others. Emotional mind can be aggravated by things such as depression, pain, sorrow, lack of sleep, being sick, drugs, alcohol, the environment, etc.

Your wise mind is a bit of rational mind, and emotional mind all together. Wise mind is what helps us to know what is truth, and what is a lie in our life. It is about balance. It is the calm part of the mind. Wise mind is in your heart AND your mind. It does have feelings associated with it, but it is not just feelings and emotions. Some people have never experienced wise mind, and you can't be in wise mind all of the time.

There is something called the "Teflon Mind" that we need to have to deal with our lives. It is just like it sounds, your mind allows experiences, feelings and thoughts to come in and then slip right out. You are like a guard at the gate, watching these things come into your mind but they don't "stick". It helps us with our mindfulness technique, because we can watch our thoughts come in, and go out just like we are watching the clouds in the sky. This is called "Observation".

Now we need to describe what we are feeling. Acknowledge your feeling, be matter of fact about it. Say what is happening, such as "my stomach muscles are tightening", "I have just felt sadness come over me", the thought "I am a failure" has come into my mind". Even describe what you are doing, such as "I am eating a muffin. It is sweet, and spongy." Name your feelings. Here is a link to a site which can help you figure out which feeling you have: [link]

To figure out which feeling you are having, try this:

Event ----> Body Changes (such as heart rate, breathing) + Body Language (facial expression, color of skin, etc) = Name the Emotion

for instance

You get yelled at ----> Feel flushed, heart rate increases + Face turns red, teeth are gritted = Anger

You've named your feeling, or stated matter of factly what is going on. Now you have to act with your wise mind and do what you need to do in each situation. Here's a few ways to help you:

1. Be non-judgmental.
Just the facts of the situation. Acknowledge the helpful or the harmful but don't judge it, don't call it "good" or "bad". It just is. Focus on the "what" of what is going on, not if it is good or bad, or great or terrible, or that you should or should not be thinking this. Don't assume anything. Don't over-generalize. And don't jump to conclusions. Take the word "should" out of your vocabulary, don't tell yourself you "should" do this or that. Such as "I shouldn't be feeling this way", well you are feeling this way and it's ok, it's not right, it's not wrong it just is. Don't judge yourself.

Don't negate the positives. I can't tell you how often I see an artist on deviantART saying how crappy of an artist he or she is, or that a piece they have posted sucks, or how terrible their (fill in the blank) is compared to someone else or just in general. You need to get away from this way of thinking. If you aren't as good as someone else, don't judge yourself. So what? There will always be people that are better than you, and there will always be people that are worse than you. Just accept where you are and what you can do. It does nothing for you as an artist to negate your talent or your feelings or anything else about you. If you don't believe in yourself, who else will do it? Your self-esteem comes from YOU. That's a big thing I learned. Stop talking trash about yourself!

2. Be one-mindful.
Do one thing at a time. Look back up to mindfulness above, when you are eating, just eat. When you are worrying about something, just take that time to worry. When you are done, then it's over. If something keeps coming back to your mind and distracting you, then just let go of that distraction and go back to what you were doing. One thing my counselor told me which I've even told my son to help him is that your mind is like a puppy. A puppy will keep running off, and you have to keep calling it back or fetching it back to you. Just like your mind. It will run off on a tangent and just like a puppy you need to go fetch or call it back. My son uses this to help his mind quiet down at bedtime, and I do the same.

Another technique I was taught, my counselor called "reverie". Like many people I have and had trouble falling to sleep. Reverie is when you lay still, completely still and keep your mind at bay with the "puppy" effect I just spoke of, and just relax. Even if you never fall asleep, all night you lay there in reverie. Don't keep getting up, flopping back and forth, turning on the light, etc. Just stay there, silent and still. There is even scientific proof that reverie helps your body replenish itself and heal itself much like true sleep. It has done wonders for me.

3. Be effective.
Let go of useless anger, vengeance, and other things that hurt, not help. Do what works, do what needs to be done in each situation. Don't let your emotions muck up what needs to be done. If you need to walk away from a situation where you are getting angry, walk away.

WHAT DO I WANT YOU TO DO?

1. Practice, practice, practice.
Try mindfulness at least once. Do something, and just do THAT something. Let your senses tell you all about that one thing. Write it down in a journal if you want.

2. If you are the type to down yourself, try stopping that behavior right now! Make an effort right now to stop saying that your art sucks, or that you suck or are dumb or ugly or anything of that sort. I'm not talking about going to the other extreme and being prideful, but just be happy with where you are in your art. If you think you need to improve, use wise mind to figure out what you need to do to improve. Do you need to practice more? Do you need to take a class? Do you need to buy better supplies?

Try it! Let me know how it goes.


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I really hope some of these things will help you, as they have helped me. I know it's a lot to take in, and I had over a year of counseling so give it some time. Everything works together with the skills, so as you learn more you'll understand some of these key techniques better. If you have any questions, or don't understand something, please feel free to comment or note me. I will do my best to explain anything. Also please note that I wrote this article using my own experiences and memories of the counseling along with using some of the handouts from DBT class, so the credit for these skills and techniques goes to the creator of DBT, Marsha Linehan, Ph.D.

Next article will talk more about some of these things, and give some ideas for something called "emotion regulation". I also want to speak about distress tolerance skills, which I feel could be very important to many people. There are also skills for interpersonal relationships. I will see how this article goes before I write another. THANK YOU for reading.

--- Pamela

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