So you're flailing around in life trying to figure out what to be, eh? Why not become an artist?!? Anyone can do it, and here are the steps as to how:

1) Buy a bunch of art supplies that you'll never use and put them on a shelf. These are the beginnings of a long history of non-used art materials. In time, this collection will be the larger than a mid-sized car, but you won't want to get rid of the crap because you're definitely going to use it all "some day". The idea is to waste the space of an entire room. If your significant other complains about it, then you're definitely on the right track.

2) Learn to randomly throw in words to conversations that make you seem like an intellectual. "I really enjoy the juxtaposing colors in this piece." -- stuff like that. It's also important to stare at an object (of any type) for a while, and then simply say a word such as "bizarre" or even a slight "hmmm" will do. When someone asks you what you mean, be very vague. I prefer to use the one "Uh, ...nothing." while slightly shaking my head and pinching my lower lip. I then turn, look them straight in the eye (as if reading their entire soul in a split second), and then turn away. The point is to make people believe that you have a master plan developing at all times in your brain. Perhaps one day you'll even rule the entire planet -- or so it should seem to an average onlooker.

3) Have strong beliefs. It's imperative that you have an opinion about EVERYTHING, and very aggressive ones at that. "That terrible movie 'Transformers 2' represents perfectly ALL of the problems with the WHOLE WORLD!" That's right. Make everything WAY more important than it really is.
If you notice that your friend's dog has no food in its bowl, don't say "Hey, shouldn't you feed your dog?" The correct way to express this (as an artist) would be "So, are you trying to kill the entire dog population one at a time or what?!? WTF?!?" and then tell a lie about a friend of yours that had their pet taken away for a similar reason.
Let's put it this way -- if you can't fake being extremely angry about the stupidest thing ever, then you cannot be an artist. Plain and simple.

4) 'Hate' modern art galleries. I cannot stress this enough. No matter how great the current art scene is, you MUST act like you despise it with every nerve in your body. React like it disgusts you to be grouped in with such 'garbage' (yes, describe it as this -- even if you love the work more than your own Mother). As you wander through the gallery, look confused -- as if you're a lost puppy in the rain trying to find your way home (or in this case, the exit). Say things like "Why is this here?" or "Who would paint this?". The point is to thoroughly be insulted by the art. Act like it's a personal attack against everything that you stand for. After leaving the gallery, be sure to state "That's why I never go to galleries in the first place", and "What a waste of space" is always a nice touch too.

5) Even if you love "House" and re-runs of "Seinfeld" and "Friends", ALWAYS claim that you "hate television". Better yet, say that you don't even own a TV, and haven't watched it in years. Be condescending about it too. IE: "Hey -- did you here Michael Jackson died?" Response: "I don't watch TV." Try to seem as if you live under a rock and couldn't give a damn about the media or current pop trends -- but don't be TOO proud about it; the point is to make it seem that society's problems drove you away, and in actuality YOU are a victim. Act as though this lifestyle isn't by choice, but a necessity for survival. It's okay to love television, but just don't let anyone know it. If you get caught watching TV, claim that your looking for PBS because their having a documentary about the Ming Dynasty or something like that. While flipping through other channels 'looking for PBS', mutter things like "What IS this crap?" If the news comes on, say "I knew that would happen" after EVERY story. Even if it's a plane crash. Be prepared to make up how you knew it. "Well, Air France has needed new planes for a while now." or "I figured those asteroids would miss Earth by over a hundred million miles when I read about them in National Geographic". Mind you, there doesn't need to be a real source that you're referring to. It just sounds good and believable.

6) Start many, many, many pieces of art but never finish them. DO finish other ones, but make sure that you have a pitiful amount of unfinished drawings and paintings (or whatever your art form is), and claim that your intentions are definitely to finish them soon. "I just need to get the right brush" is a good one to use. Also "I've decided to go a different direction with this piece" is convincing bs too. What to do with the unfinished pieces in the long run? Shove them under your bed, because that's what it's there for. Very easy.

So, there you have it. If you follow these simple first steps to being an artist, you'll be getting on all sorts of people's nerves in no time at all! Within a few months, you may actually have ostracized yourself from all of your friends, and in some cases even your entire family. I certainly hope that this helps you to become the artist that everybody so desperately wants to be! Good luck!